Thursday, April 29, 2010

Relationships are like glass...

I have condensed an entire books worth of material into this blog. Its long, I know.

Ladies, there are some great guys out there. Guys that would do anything to make you happy. Guys that would give up everything for an opportunity to spend time with you. Guys that would not just say they love you, but that would show you every day. Guys who wouldn't lie to you. Guys who wouldn't cheat on you. Guys who aren't immature. Guys who wouldn't manipulate and control you. Guys who would care about you as much as you care about them. Guys who would take you seriously. There is a guy out there who would care more about your needs and feelings, than his need to feel you up. Guys who would appreciate your personality and talents, and not just your boobs. Now, I know what your thinking; "He just said boobs!" Yeah, but besides that, you're probably thinking that a guy like that is too good to be true. Well, you're wrong. Not all guys are liars, cheaters, manipulators, immature, and controlling.

There's only one thing that I can't stand more than guys who treat their girlfriends like crap, and thats the girls who put up with them. The girls who get lied to over and over again, but continually forgive their compulsively lying boyfriends. Girls who are constantly disrespected and controlled but never stick up for themselves. Girls who get cheated on, but just make excuses for the the guy. If this is you, I'm going to be completely straightforward and tell you that you are pathetic. Ouch... I know.

The thing is, you deserve better. You should have so much more. You deserve to be happy and free from that pompous moron. You are intelligent, beautiful, and amazing, but you let an immature, uncaring guy bring you down. He makes you feel bad about yourself and you keep him. Why? He hurts you over and over again and you let him. Why? He gives you so many reasons to leave him but you stay. Why? He does you wrong repeatedly and you continue to make excuses for him. Why?

To me, it seems that if you started dating a guy and he began to repeatedly lie, cheat, or just simply disrespect you, that you would... I don't know... leave him! I would think that you would take control and stand up for yourself, tell him to go find a girl that'll put up with his crap because that girl is not you. But instead, I find there's a lot of girls that let guys trample all over them. The thing that I hate the most though, is when girls make excuses for these worthless idiots. I have heard plenty of these excuses and I'm going to share some of these excuses with you and then tell you what I think about them.

1. "But I love him..." - This one makes me sick. It literally disgusts me, like sushi and Al Gore, or even worse--Al Gore sushi. The guy treats you with about as much respect as a slave owner treats a slave, and you "love him"? He persistently gives you reasons to think he doesn't care about you at all, and you "love him"? He does nothing to make you or anyone else think that he loves you, but you "love him"? He hurts you over and over again, and you "love him"? Well, you are either truly in love in a way that is beyond comprehension, or you are just an idiot--I tend to think the latter. Forget how much you love him and start loving yourself! You're not in a healthy relationship, and even though you may think you love him, you are slowly letting yourself die inside. Would you rather be in love and hate yourself, be miserable, and controlled or not in love and be content, think highly of yourself, and free? Seems obvious to me, but it's your decision. Does he really love you the way you love him? I'll answer for you. No.

2. "He's changed..." - I can't help but laugh at this one. Mainly because 99.99999% of the time, its not true. How can you catch a guy talking to other girls behind your back, lying to you, and cheating on you but believe him a week later when he says he's changed? How could you possibly trust a guy like that when he says he's "different now"? How can you be so naive? I don't get it. He's been telling other girls that they are beautiful and that he would date them if he wasn't in a relationship with you. He's been secretly going out with other girls when you're out of town. And if he's done all that, you can safely guess that he's kissed someone else besides you, and if he hasn't you can bet he would. But still, you let him get away with it. You give him the privilege of being with you, even though he doesn't deserve that privilege at all! You give him a second chance because you think that he has "really changed." NO HE HASN'T.

And I know some of you are thinking, "how can you say that? People can change!" Maybe they can. But in EVERY instance I have seen, they don't. Why give that lying, cheating dog that doesn't care about you a second chance? From what I've seen you're setting yourself up to get hurt again. Besides, if he really loved you and cared about continuing a relationship with you he wouldn't have said what he said, or done what he did the first time. Stop lying to yourself and saying that he "made a mistake." No sweetie, he made a decision. And he made that decision long before he ever touched that other girl. When he first looked at her, he made a decision. When he first talked to her, he made a decision, and it took a lot more little decisions to get to that big one. It wasn't a mistake, it was a series of conscious choices that he made despite you and your relationship. He doesn't deserve to be with you. You can find someone so much better! He had his chance, be strong and take control, don't let him run all over you. Tell him to hit the road, especially if his name is Jack, because that would be very appropriate.

3. "But we've been together such a long time." - I understand that when you're with someone for a while, you grow very close to that person. I understand its hard to end long relationships. But if you're not happy, you have to do whats best for you. Every once in a while, we have to think selfishly, its not always a bad thing. Don't worry about how that guy is going to feel, or what he's going to do after you split up. That's not your responsibility. Stop saying that you're the one who keeps in him line, and that he needs you to stay out of trouble! Bull crap! He's going to do what he wants to do, and you are not responsible for any of that. Saying you don't want to end a relationship because you've been together a long time is like saying you don't want to lose weight because you've been fat for so long. Or like saying you shouldn't shower because you've been dirty for such a long time. I was going to end this by saying, "Ladies, its time to take a shower," but I thought that would be a little weird. But you get the point.

4. "It's hard. Every time I want to leave, it hurts and I miss him more than I can stand. I feel lonely and empty without him, I just love him so much." - You may have made it through a lot with this guy. There may have been good and really bad times that you went through together. You may have poured yourself into this relationship to the point you have nothing left. You might actually love this guy. You might REALLY love this guy. But if the guy is treating you wrong and the relationship it tearing you down, you can't let it continue. Even though you may love this guy, if he's killing your self-esteem and hurting you (emotionally, mentally, or physically... or spiritually) help yourself. You're going to have to make a grown woman decision. A decision not made with your heart, but your head.

I know its going to hurt. I know you may spend months feeling lonely and crying. I know you may have to be without a boyfriend for a few months. I know you won't be happy for a while. But you've got to grow up! The problem is, your happiness is totally dependent on someone else. You have not learned to be your own, strong person. You are only happy when a guy makes you happy. You only love yourself when you think a guy loves you. This is not a good thing. Its not a healthy way to live at all. You've got to learn to be happy with yourself. You've got to learn to be content with yourself as an individual. You got to break free from your dependance upon other people. You will never be happy living like you are, because people will always let you down. So, even though it may hurt and you may get lonely, those times will make you stronger, and more independent. Those times will make you more resistant to getting hurt in the future. Those lonely, painful times will make you a better person. I feel so deeply about this, because I went through the same thing. I know how it feels to get out of a relationship and feel lonely, worthless, and hurt. But now, years later, I know how it feels to love myself, and be happy with life and who I am. I don't need someone else to make me happy, I'm happy. I don't need someone else to make me feel good about myself, I think I'm awesome. I don't need someone else to enjoy life, I love it already. It took time and heartache, but learning to be independent was worth it. Trust me!

Don't stay with someone that treats you like crap, because you are so much more than crap, you are a future wife and mother. You are beautiful, smart, and awesome; find a guy that can appreciate that. There's a guy out there who will treat you like you're the most important thing on earth, so why not let him? Why stay with the guy who makes every other day miserable? Its time to make that grown woman decision.

Some of you may not agree with a lot of what I said, but I don't care. Neither did the girls that I have said all these things to in the past. Now, they all have to admit that I was right, and I love it. If you don't want to take my advice, thats cool. I hope you are an exception and everything works out. However, "Relationships are like glass: sometimes it's better to leave them broken, rather than hurt yourself trying to put them back together."

Whatever happens remember that you deserve nothing less than the best. Don't settle for anything else.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dr. Seuss

Today, one of my friends conducted an experiment in class. It was a simple experiment, where he was observing the reactions he got by breaking a social norm. In order to do this, he had to deliberately do something out of the ordinary. He decided to place himself in front of every classroom he was in that day and remain standing the entire class. While everyone else was seated around him, he just stood, innocently and unashamedly. You should have seen how people responded, it was great. The pointing, giggling, and confused looks were priceless. One girl sitting next to me whispered to her friend, “Maybe he broke his tailbone.” I, knowing what he was doing, enjoyed the whole act. At one point, he started talking on his cell phone, right there in front of the class, while the teacher was lecturing. He paced back and forth, mumbling to whoever was on the other end (if anyone), then nonchalantly hung up and went back to his spot to continue standing.

While observing his experiment, I realized something: in my class, he was the center of attention. People were watching him and talking about him. He got people to think. He was noticed. He had an effect on those around him.

There are many of us who want to be noticed. We want to have an effect on those around us. We feel like we have something important to say and we want to be heard. We want our music to inspire people. We want our artwork to amaze people. We want our message to change people. So, how do you get the attention you need to do this? How do you get noticed? It’s simple: be different, original, and even weird. Do something that no one else is doing. People are known and remembered, not because they were like everyone else, but because they did something worth remembering. They did something new, unique, and abnormal. Nobody will notice you if you’re doing the exact same thing as everyone around you, you’ll just be another person in the crowd.

Pablo Picasso isn’t remembered because he painted, he’s remembered because his paintings were different from everyone else’s. Mozart didn’t get attention just because he was a composer, he received attention because his compositions were unlike anything anyone had ever heard. Michael Jordan isn’t remembered because he played basketball, he’s remembered because he did things no one else did on the court. There are thousands of composers, artists, and athletes you’ve never heard of. The ones you do remember all had one thing in common: they were different from their peers. They were unusual and exceptional.

You have the ability to do something no one else could ever do, because no one else is you. No one ever has been. No one ever will be. You’re only given one chance, only one life, so do something with it. Don’t be afraid of failure, just be you. Many times when your being yourself, people appreciate it and they like what your doing--even if it sucks. If you don’t believe me, check out a painting by Jackson Pollock and keep in mind he’s considered to be an influential American painter and a major figure in an artistic movement. Another example of someone being themselves and it sucking but people still liking it is Lil’ Wayne. Yet another example would be Jimmy Fallon. So, even if what you want to do and how you want to do it may really suck… you still have hope!

When I look back through history and think about people who stand out, no one stands out more than Jesus. He was the first of his kind. No one had ever said the things He said. No one ever did the things He did. No one ever acted, loved, or lived the way He did. Everything about Him was so unexpected, so backwards. You can’t name anyone that has left a more lasting, profound impression on humanity.

Stop being so shy and worrying what people think about you. Don’t let something so small, keep you from something so big. Don’t spend your time trying to be someone else and trying to make other people happy. Don’t spend your whole life being something other than you. EXIST.

You know someone is being themselves when you can look at something they did or said, and know immediately that it was them without any doubt. Its like picking up a Dr. Seuss book. You can pick up a book you’ve never heard of, read one line or see one picture and know that its Dr. Seuss. His books are among the weirdest. The green eggs, the Whos, the Diffendoofers, the floob-boober-bab-boober-bubs; what in the world was this guy smoking? Whatever it was, the Seuss obviously got the good stuff. And what about the whole “Dr.” thing. If I need surgery, there's no way I'm going to get it from Dr. Seuss--he’ll be using flunnels and wumbus and wockets, by the end of the surgery you’ll be looking like something out of Whoville. I highly doubt that he’s a licensed medical practitioner. But if he is, I’d like to hear his views on the healthcare reforms. But that’s beside the point. When it comes to him being an author, there’s no denying that he is famous because of his unique imagination. There’s no doubt that his books became popular because they were so one of a kind. If he wrote children’s books like everyone else, I wouldn’t be writing about him right now.

If you feel like you’re not accomplishing anything, if you feel like you’re going unnoticed, if you feel like you‘re not making a difference, you don’t need Dr. Seuss to give a diagnosis. The cure is simple: be different, be original, and be weird. Be yourself, you’ll find that it’s a great feeling. Seuss rhymed a bit of wisdom for us when he said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Don’t disregard those words just because he might have been strung out on hallucinogens when he wrote them.He's telling us to be ourselves, and we can trust him--he’s a doctor… or is he?

Monday, April 19, 2010

"Well, well, well... how the turntables."

Kids are great. Have you ever told a story to a kid and noticed how they listen? They are so attentive, so involved. You can tell by the unconscious, wide-eyed look on their faces that their imagination is working overtime. It seems that some kids can even remove themselves from reality and get completely consumed in the story you‘re telling them. They have an uncanny ability to make even the most farfetched stories seem real and believable.

I think its funny how we use this against them. How many of us were told, “If you keep making that face its going to get stuck like that”? Then we have the classic stories that we use to deceive those poor, innocent children. For example, the idea of Santa Claus. The story is absolutely ridiculous, highly implausible, and blatantly creepy but kids spend the first 6 or 7 years of their life writing him letters and leaving him cookies--one of which he takes a big bite out of and puts back on the plate for whatever reason. Also, there’s the Easter Bunny; he brings you gifts, like Santa, but his gifts all fit in eggs and then you have to find them yourself. What a jerk. And then there’s the Tooth Fairy… really?

Kids can potentially believe anything you can think to tell them. This could be due to the fact that they have a lack of wisdom and an abundance of trust; the recipe for gullible. However, as we grow and learn more, and as we find out through experience that people cannot always be trusted, we begin to believe less and less. We begin questioning and fact checking. We no longer let our imaginations run wild and believe everything we hear, instead we are skeptical.

We realize as we get older that everything we’re told is not always true, and we don’t want to believe in something that is not true. We don’t want to run around making claims that are false because that would just make us look like idiots, and nobody--except for apparently Lady Gaga--wants to look like an idiot. Basically, we’ve grown up. The gullible, na├»ve side of us is no longer here. Things have changed since we were 6 and we’ve realized that many things we were told as a kid just aren’t true.

One day I was thinking about this and a gang of ideas bombarded my brain like an overzealous SWAT team. I was thinking about all the years I spent as a child sitting in Sunday school. I pictured 6 year old Jeremy, innocent and cute as he was, being told that Jesus was the savior and that He was the only way. I pictured myself sitting there, watching in amazement as my teacher placed those magnificent paper characters on that mysterious fuzzy board, as my teacher told me that Jesus was a real man and that He died but rose from the dead. That’s when it hit me: as a child, I was indoctrinated.

I know that’s uncomfortable to think about, but that’s exactly what it is. Do I only believe in God because I was told he was real when I was a child? Do believe in Jesus for the same reasons I believed in Santa? It’s a frightening thought, but honestly, one that I have had frequently.

Like everyone else, I’ve had my doubts. When I became more independent, in life and thought, I began to question a lot and I still do. What if Jesus is just like Santa and the Easter Bunny, the only difference being that no one has admitted the truth to me? Even worse, what if no one knows the truth? What if we are all deceived by fairy tales that have been passed down for hundreds of years? We’ve been told what to believe since we were children, no wonder we believe it. Right?

To me, this was a kind of scary and unpleasant thought, but then I realized something: God asked us to believe (John 3:16). We are saved by grace, but through faith! We don’t have to have it all figured out and we don’t have to prove God to ourselves, we just have to believe. There may always be doubt or uncertainty, but if there wasn’t, then we wouldn’t need faith and how could we not need what God requires of us to be saved? Simply put: we must choose to believe.

In Mark 10:15 Jesus says, “Anyone who does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it.” I feel like He wants me to put aside all the knowledge and wisdom I think that I have, and just abundantly trust in Him. His desire is to be as real to me as possible. God wants me to believe in Him like I believed in Santa when I was 6. I use to write Santa letters; God wants to be so real to me that I expect Him to acknowledge what I say. I would give Santa my cookies; God wants to be so real to me that I know its worth making sacrifices. I would change my behavior because I heard Santa knew when I had been bad; God wants to be so real to me that I fear Him. Kind of cheesy? Sure… but you’ll get over it. Truthfully, He wants to be so real to me that I don’t just say I believe, but that I live and act like I believe.

My nephews still leave cookies out for Santa ever year… I eat them. So, I suppose if Santa does exist he doesn’t like me very much. I don’t drink milk, so I usually dump that in the sink, and that’s just added insult. But you know, I wanted a Super Nintendo and he didn’t give it to me. So, now that he wants cookies, I’ll see to it that they are all eaten when he arrives--all except the one that I’ll continue to bite once and put back on the plate. You reap what you sow, Mr. Kringle. You reap what you sow.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Silencio, por favor.

Life is good. I feel as if there’s no other person on earth that feels as good about life as I do in this moment. The past few hours have been great. Me and my family made the trip down to my grandparent’s house. I ate a good dinner and laughed with the family about things that happened years ago. I hid Easter eggs for the nephews on my grandparent’s country property. Then, me and the two little dudes went to the park.

Before we went, I grabbed a big ‘ol glass of grandma’s sweet tea with those big ‘ol ice cubes she’s had ever since I can remember. I also brought along the Donald Miller book I’m reading right now. We were the only ones at the park. The boys ran around while I sat on a park bench, reading and slowly enjoying that sweet drank goodness. The weather was ridiculously perfect: bright, setting sun that felt perfect on the skin, a few clouds, and absolutely no wind. There was a man cutting grass in the distance and every once in a while I caught a wiff of that freshly cut grass smell that I love. Sublime, I tell you. Sublime.

So, here I am: big sweet tea, good book, perfect weather, and tranquility (one thing that I am definitely not use to). At one point, I sat the book down at my side and just looked around. The sun was just about to start its disappearing act behind the mountains. The valley was peaceful, and as close to perfect in every way that it could ever possibly be. It was stunning.

I cherish moments like these. They don’t come often, and when they do, sometimes we don’t stop to appreciate or even recognize them. But today I did, and as hippie and fruity this may sound; I feel like I have been rejuvenated. I feel fresh. I feel… good.

Life can be so stressful and exhausting. Work, school, church, family, and relationships have a tendency to beat the crap out of us until we stumble around, exhausted like a heavy weight boxer in the tenth round. Every once in a while, I’ll have a period of two or three days that are just hard. Everything is a chore. Nothing is really enjoyable. I have so much to do, but yet I’m too tired to accomplish anything within the ridiculously short days. But then, we get moments like the one I just had at the park.

It’s in these moments that God is the most real to me. More than any altar call, prayer service, or church service. To be completely honest, I don’t feel God in these places much anymore. Many people do, and that’s real and awesome, but I guess I’m just weird. I feel God the most in peace. I feel Him when I’m alone. When it’s quiet. God is more real to me in silence. Not in the midst of music and crowds, but silence.

It’s amazing how months of stress can so quickly disappear in a single moment with God. All the anxiety, worry, and all those burdens that I was carrying around with me are gone. I feel like God distracted me with His brilliant display so I would forget to pick that baggage back up when I left the park. And it worked.

I was God’s captive audience of one today. I stopped at one point and whispered a simple, “thank you.” I’d love to say I heard some grand, heavenly response… but I didn’t. Then again, God knows when He is most real to me, and perhaps, He just didn’t want to break the silence.