Thursday, April 29, 2010

Relationships are like glass...

I have condensed an entire books worth of material into this blog. Its long, I know.

Ladies, there are some great guys out there. Guys that would do anything to make you happy. Guys that would give up everything for an opportunity to spend time with you. Guys that would not just say they love you, but that would show you every day. Guys who wouldn't lie to you. Guys who wouldn't cheat on you. Guys who aren't immature. Guys who wouldn't manipulate and control you. Guys who would care about you as much as you care about them. Guys who would take you seriously. There is a guy out there who would care more about your needs and feelings, than his need to feel you up. Guys who would appreciate your personality and talents, and not just your boobs. Now, I know what your thinking; "He just said boobs!" Yeah, but besides that, you're probably thinking that a guy like that is too good to be true. Well, you're wrong. Not all guys are liars, cheaters, manipulators, immature, and controlling.

There's only one thing that I can't stand more than guys who treat their girlfriends like crap, and thats the girls who put up with them. The girls who get lied to over and over again, but continually forgive their compulsively lying boyfriends. Girls who are constantly disrespected and controlled but never stick up for themselves. Girls who get cheated on, but just make excuses for the the guy. If this is you, I'm going to be completely straightforward and tell you that you are pathetic. Ouch... I know.

The thing is, you deserve better. You should have so much more. You deserve to be happy and free from that pompous moron. You are intelligent, beautiful, and amazing, but you let an immature, uncaring guy bring you down. He makes you feel bad about yourself and you keep him. Why? He hurts you over and over again and you let him. Why? He gives you so many reasons to leave him but you stay. Why? He does you wrong repeatedly and you continue to make excuses for him. Why?

To me, it seems that if you started dating a guy and he began to repeatedly lie, cheat, or just simply disrespect you, that you would... I don't know... leave him! I would think that you would take control and stand up for yourself, tell him to go find a girl that'll put up with his crap because that girl is not you. But instead, I find there's a lot of girls that let guys trample all over them. The thing that I hate the most though, is when girls make excuses for these worthless idiots. I have heard plenty of these excuses and I'm going to share some of these excuses with you and then tell you what I think about them.

1. "But I love him..." - This one makes me sick. It literally disgusts me, like sushi and Al Gore, or even worse--Al Gore sushi. The guy treats you with about as much respect as a slave owner treats a slave, and you "love him"? He persistently gives you reasons to think he doesn't care about you at all, and you "love him"? He does nothing to make you or anyone else think that he loves you, but you "love him"? He hurts you over and over again, and you "love him"? Well, you are either truly in love in a way that is beyond comprehension, or you are just an idiot--I tend to think the latter. Forget how much you love him and start loving yourself! You're not in a healthy relationship, and even though you may think you love him, you are slowly letting yourself die inside. Would you rather be in love and hate yourself, be miserable, and controlled or not in love and be content, think highly of yourself, and free? Seems obvious to me, but it's your decision. Does he really love you the way you love him? I'll answer for you. No.

2. "He's changed..." - I can't help but laugh at this one. Mainly because 99.99999% of the time, its not true. How can you catch a guy talking to other girls behind your back, lying to you, and cheating on you but believe him a week later when he says he's changed? How could you possibly trust a guy like that when he says he's "different now"? How can you be so naive? I don't get it. He's been telling other girls that they are beautiful and that he would date them if he wasn't in a relationship with you. He's been secretly going out with other girls when you're out of town. And if he's done all that, you can safely guess that he's kissed someone else besides you, and if he hasn't you can bet he would. But still, you let him get away with it. You give him the privilege of being with you, even though he doesn't deserve that privilege at all! You give him a second chance because you think that he has "really changed." NO HE HASN'T.

And I know some of you are thinking, "how can you say that? People can change!" Maybe they can. But in EVERY instance I have seen, they don't. Why give that lying, cheating dog that doesn't care about you a second chance? From what I've seen you're setting yourself up to get hurt again. Besides, if he really loved you and cared about continuing a relationship with you he wouldn't have said what he said, or done what he did the first time. Stop lying to yourself and saying that he "made a mistake." No sweetie, he made a decision. And he made that decision long before he ever touched that other girl. When he first looked at her, he made a decision. When he first talked to her, he made a decision, and it took a lot more little decisions to get to that big one. It wasn't a mistake, it was a series of conscious choices that he made despite you and your relationship. He doesn't deserve to be with you. You can find someone so much better! He had his chance, be strong and take control, don't let him run all over you. Tell him to hit the road, especially if his name is Jack, because that would be very appropriate.

3. "But we've been together such a long time." - I understand that when you're with someone for a while, you grow very close to that person. I understand its hard to end long relationships. But if you're not happy, you have to do whats best for you. Every once in a while, we have to think selfishly, its not always a bad thing. Don't worry about how that guy is going to feel, or what he's going to do after you split up. That's not your responsibility. Stop saying that you're the one who keeps in him line, and that he needs you to stay out of trouble! Bull crap! He's going to do what he wants to do, and you are not responsible for any of that. Saying you don't want to end a relationship because you've been together a long time is like saying you don't want to lose weight because you've been fat for so long. Or like saying you shouldn't shower because you've been dirty for such a long time. I was going to end this by saying, "Ladies, its time to take a shower," but I thought that would be a little weird. But you get the point.

4. "It's hard. Every time I want to leave, it hurts and I miss him more than I can stand. I feel lonely and empty without him, I just love him so much." - You may have made it through a lot with this guy. There may have been good and really bad times that you went through together. You may have poured yourself into this relationship to the point you have nothing left. You might actually love this guy. You might REALLY love this guy. But if the guy is treating you wrong and the relationship it tearing you down, you can't let it continue. Even though you may love this guy, if he's killing your self-esteem and hurting you (emotionally, mentally, or physically... or spiritually) help yourself. You're going to have to make a grown woman decision. A decision not made with your heart, but your head.

I know its going to hurt. I know you may spend months feeling lonely and crying. I know you may have to be without a boyfriend for a few months. I know you won't be happy for a while. But you've got to grow up! The problem is, your happiness is totally dependent on someone else. You have not learned to be your own, strong person. You are only happy when a guy makes you happy. You only love yourself when you think a guy loves you. This is not a good thing. Its not a healthy way to live at all. You've got to learn to be happy with yourself. You've got to learn to be content with yourself as an individual. You got to break free from your dependance upon other people. You will never be happy living like you are, because people will always let you down. So, even though it may hurt and you may get lonely, those times will make you stronger, and more independent. Those times will make you more resistant to getting hurt in the future. Those lonely, painful times will make you a better person. I feel so deeply about this, because I went through the same thing. I know how it feels to get out of a relationship and feel lonely, worthless, and hurt. But now, years later, I know how it feels to love myself, and be happy with life and who I am. I don't need someone else to make me happy, I'm happy. I don't need someone else to make me feel good about myself, I think I'm awesome. I don't need someone else to enjoy life, I love it already. It took time and heartache, but learning to be independent was worth it. Trust me!

Don't stay with someone that treats you like crap, because you are so much more than crap, you are a future wife and mother. You are beautiful, smart, and awesome; find a guy that can appreciate that. There's a guy out there who will treat you like you're the most important thing on earth, so why not let him? Why stay with the guy who makes every other day miserable? Its time to make that grown woman decision.

Some of you may not agree with a lot of what I said, but I don't care. Neither did the girls that I have said all these things to in the past. Now, they all have to admit that I was right, and I love it. If you don't want to take my advice, thats cool. I hope you are an exception and everything works out. However, "Relationships are like glass: sometimes it's better to leave them broken, rather than hurt yourself trying to put them back together."

Whatever happens remember that you deserve nothing less than the best. Don't settle for anything else.


  1. totally agree with ya there jeremy! sweet blog, im really enjoying reading these. keep up the good work man.

  2. wow...all i can say is wow & how very true

  3. Jeremy this is so true! And I'm deff guilty of this. Anyways u should write a book cuz it would be great